The Savanna Chronicles: Under the Savanna Sun

[mistwolf]

The story I promised. It's about two prides of lions, the Bright Morning Lions, and the Glowing Moon lions, and their enmity with each other. This is only the first book. There are more, but I haven't written them yet.

(Paragraphs spaced for easier reading)

Chapter 1: Begginnings

Years ago, when the trees were still young, tall and majestic, and the rivers rushed wild and free through their beds, uninhibited by drought, and the green grass grew in larger patches and swayed back and forth in a soft gentle wind, a pride of lions ruled a quiet valley in the savannah. It was a large valley, covered in the huge, rugged baobab trees and the tall slender acacia trees, which were fed by bubbling brooks that happily twined their way through the valley. On one side, the valley was protected by a large range of mountains that most of the animals called the “Morning Glory Mountains” because they seemed to sparkle in the morning when the sun rose behind them. On the other side, only broken by the width of the Great River, was the unending expanse of the savannah plains, wide and stretching out towards the horizon. But the valley area belonged to one pride, and they loved it.

They were a peaceful pride, ruled by a great, proud and brave male named Zebel, and his mate Tali. They were loved and honored and adored by their pride members, and respected by the animals of the savanna.

And Zebel and Tali had cubs: one male and three females. The male was the oldest and named Tiko by his father.

Now, when Tiko was very young, he was promised by his father that one day, he, being the oldest and male, would have the highest position in the pride: the alpha male. In human terms, Tiko would be king.

Years later, though, when Tiko was a grown male of 3 years, his father still remained the alpha and Tiko was still Beta male (or second in command), no closer to being alpha then he was when he was a cub.

Many of the lower lions would have seen themselves blessed to be Betas. But Tiko hated being kept away from his promised power. He hated that his father was the only thing that stood between him and total leadership.

And he was determined to set this “right”.

Not unusual for young male lions, Tiko challenged his father’s authority in the pride. Zebel accepted the challenge bravely. The prize would be simple: winner would have the right to rule the pride. And, of course, the looser would be exiled from the pride never to return. The stakes were high, but such rules had been the base of these challenges ever since the first young male had turned upon his alpha.

So, the two lions fought. It was an epic battle: Zebel fought valiantly and Tiko fought underhandedly. But tragedy struck both lions. It wasn’t the death of either that stopped the fight, but the death of Tiko’s beloved mate, Sindi, who was killed by a badly aimed attack meant for Zebel. The causality ended the fight, and Zebel was forced to bring consequences on his son. By Tiko’s own foolishness, his own mate had died. Angered with his the young male, Zebel drove him from the pride as payment for Sindi’s death. With no mate and no hope, Tiko left the pride of his birth with nothing but his battle scars and a heart full of bitter hate towards his father. As he left the pride’s territory, he swore that one day he would get revenge on Zebel and promised that one day he would return.


It would be a year before Tiko was seen again by his birth pride. He returned as the alpha of his own pride, and with a new mate. And he had a promise to keep: he had sworn to get his revenge on Zebel, whom he saw as the cause of his first mate’s death. And Tiko, who had turned into a bitter lion with a taste for blood, was going to fulfill that promise he had made so long ago.

As he roamed the savanna searching for the father who he hated, he discovered an alternative, something better. When Tiko had been two years old, his mother had given birth to a female cub: the sole survivor of her litter. Tiko found her, now an adult, alone with her cubs while the rest of the pride was hunting.

He killed her and her cubs out of hate hoping the death would devastate the lioness’s father, Zebel. But in his haste, he missed a cub. One small male named Cordyn remained, the only witness of his mother and siblings’ brutal murder.

Tiko was found and, in Zebel’s rage at the death of his daughter, was killed. But Cordyn never forgot what the evil, twisted male did to his family. He still remembered years later, when he took over the alpha position from Zebel. He trained his members to hate Tiko and all his descendants, just as Tiko taught his pride to hate all the descendants of Zebel. But Tiko was not forgotten by his pride, either. His mate, pregnant at the time, was crushed by her lover’s death. Once she gave birth to Tiko’s cubs, she raised them to be killers, to be the same as their father. Tiko’s cubs were born murderers, and their hate seemed to run even deeper than Cordyn’s descendants as they prepared themselves and their own descendants to kill Cordyn’s kin, if they ever found them.


Many years have passed. Both Cordyn and Tiko are dead, but their stories their bitter hate for the other has not been forgotten. Their lineage, their rivalry lives on.

Today, Cordyn’s pride is known as the Bright Morning pride, and is ruled by the lion Sol and his loving mate, Kilsha.

The descendants of Tiko are called the Glowing Moon pride, which is ruled by the pair Malka and his mate Sindi, named after Tiko’s original mate.

The hate still lingers, though the prides rarely see each other. But they are about to get closer than they ever imagined, and views will suddenly change under the savanna sun.

[mistwolf]

Chapter 2-Drought

The land was bone-dry. A hot, stifling wind blew across the savanna, whisking the pathetic, dry blades of tall grass back and forth, like some strange parody of an ocean. A brown, hot and desert dry ocean.

The rains had not come. For months the animals that inhabited the plains had waited for the life-giving flood of water after the winter; yet it still had not arrived, even as summer had descended upon the land, hot, and with a vengeance. The land had remained dry as the drought latched onto it, clenching its teeth on it like a lion with the leg of a gazelle in its mouth. Many assume that it was only a matter of time until the land broke. The dry earth wouldn’t be able to withstand much more of this abuse, and the water levels were beginning to fall. It was only a matter of time before they all broke under the strain of the drought, not just the land.

Under the shade of a tall, half-dead baobab tree, a tawny figure lay, amber eyes gazing out across the dusty waves of dry dirt and brittle grass. A lioness, by name of Kiada watched her world with eyes that showed both interest and worry.

She was the second-youngest child of the alpha pair, and a child of the Bright Morning pride. A direct blood descendant of Cordyn. And she watched the land because as present circumstances promised, it would one day be hers. Even though she knew very well that she did not want to be the type who let leadership go to her head, Kiada was excited about her chance to do what she wanted, lead how she liked, in a pride. Her own pride. She was looking forward to practically the chance of a lifetime.

“Looking at something?” asked a familiar voice from behind her. Kiada did not have to turn to know it was her mother. Kilsha was the alpha lioness of the Bright Morning pride. She was not a direct descendant of Cordyn, but neither was she a descendant of Tiko. This made her suitable to be an alphess; since she held no “bad blood” that the alpha of the pride would see as unwanted. Kiada knew that long ago, Sol had and Kilsha had been betrothed by Sol’s father. But she didn’t know the circumstances behind the betrothal. Kilsha never spoke of why or how she and Sol had become mates.

Kiada sighed in response to her mother’s question, and Kilsha came to sit beside her daughter. Color-wise, Kilsha and Kiada were the same. Personality-wise, they were very different. Kiada tended to be, though at the mature age of 2 years, a more friendly, fun-loving lion, while her mother was very matronly- she concerned herself with the matters of her pride, and being a stern, concerned, but loving mother to her children more than she concerned herself with being a playful and outgoing alphess.

“Only at the land,” the Kiada answered wistfully. “And the drought.”

“Yes,” Kilsha answered. “It is unfortunate that this drought has sprung up like this on us. But it will not last. The rains will come again.”

“I suppose…” Kiada began.

“And besides, we are lucky. We live near the watering hole, which supplies both our food and out water. We will not need to leave this place. We just have to wait for the rains to come again. We must bide our time, and be patient.”

“And hope that the territory isn’t taken from us?” Kiada put in. Kilsha looked down at her daughter, eyes confused. Why would she ask a question like that?

“What makes you say that?” the alphess asked.

“No reason….” Kiada murmured. Suddenly uninterested in the conversation, the young adolescent female stood and walked away, leaving her mother standing alone. Kilsha remained where she was, worried. She, too stared out at the dry, dusty savanna. The winds kicked a dust storm far beyond she watched it worriedly, questions in her mind. What had made her usually optimistic daughter suddenly so dark and questioning? Was Kiada picking up on something that neither she nor her mate, Sol, knew of? What was coming to their pride? She stared hard at the savanna, at the swirling dust in the distance, like her answers would lie there. But nothing came to her, and finally she turned and started after where her daughter had disappeared through the tall grass.

Under the shade of a huge baobab tree, whose branches reached far into the sky and provided protection from the hot afternoon sun, Sol, the alpha of the Bright Morning pride, watched his lions with a protective gaze. The hot savanna air brought the sound of voices to his ears, which twitched in the direction of the sound. To his left he saw the tawny bodies of the two sisters, Jamala and Akina, who were lounging together. But they were talking excitedly, and Sol could tell that despite their relaxed positions, they were far from at ease. Though both lionesses were two years old, the lioness Jamala, who was a slight lighter color than her sister, was the younger of the two, having been born last in her litter. But apparently she was the more alert, because she felt Sol’s eyes resting on her. She glanced over, her brown eyes catching him staring. She stood and walked quickly over to him, and Sol could see the intensity in her face and body.

“Sol,” she said. “Is it true that we will have to leave this land? That we will have to find another home?”

Sol wasn’t exactly sure how to answer the young lioness. Where had she gotten the information? He knew that the drought was bad, but he wished that bad news didn’t spread quite so fast in his pride.

“I don’t know, Jamala,” he said after a moment’s pause. “If the water level in the watering hole drops any lower we might have to. I don’t want to leave this territory any more than you do, but we may not be able to avoid it.”

That was what Jamala hadn’t wanted to hear, A worried look crossed her face, her brown furrowing. She glanced over her shoulder at her sister, Akina, who looked just as worried as she did. But eventually Jamala looked back to her alpha.

“I hope we don’t have to,” she said softly, like she was embarrassed of what she was saying.. “I’d hate to leave.”

“So would I,” Sol assured her. Jamala, obviously upset but unable to do anything about it, turned from her alpha and settled back again beside her sister. Akina began to groom the younger lioness, trying to comfort her. Sol sighed. He really did hate to worry his pride so much, but he knew that right now they were in a tough place. He didn’t want to leave this land. They had found it only a year ago, after leaving their old home, Sol’s birth land. This and had looked so perfect, but now….

He needed to find something to distract him, and his eyes wandered. In the distance he caught a glimpse of his mate and lover, Kilsha. She was sitting along beside a large baobab tree, looking out over the savanna. She was sitting with her back to him, but he could tell that she was worried, and he tilted his head to the side, wondering if there was something troubling her. Though he probably already knew. Sol knew how much Kilsha took her duty as alphess seriously, and he also knew that she loved this land as much as he did. The prospect of leaving would be hard on her, as well.

He stood and crossed over to her.

“Something troubling you?” he asked her. He settled beside her on the hot ground and rubbed his head against her cheek in greeting. They really did love each other, unlike some mates who tolerated each other simply for the power. Though their relationship had started out rough, they had fallen in love, and had never fallen out again.

Kilsha did not answer right away. She rubbed her head against his mane, wondering whether or not she should tell him about Kiada’s comment, then decided not to. He had enough on his mind. She smiled up at him.

“Nothing other than this drought, Sol,” she answered. Sol nodded in an understanding way. “Me, too,” he said.

“Father?”

Sol turned to see his young son, Shatter, standing behind him. The young male’s voice was gruff from lack of water, and his eyes looked hungry.

“Shatter,” Sol said. “What is it?”

“When will we hunt again?” the young male asked. Sol looked reproachfully at his son, who looked down at his paws, suddenly sheepish. He knew the answer to the question already.

Shatter resembled Sol as much as Kiada resembled Kilsha- almost identical. Shatter’s golden coat was accented by darker gold mane, but not incredibly dark-only a few shades darker. His eyes were also the same brown as his father’s, but his had a deeper sense of pain in them that most just overlooked or didn’t notice.

“If you are so anxious to hunt, go to the watering hole yourself and find food,” Sol told him. Shatter looked up at Sol, and opened his mouth to argue. Sol glared at his son, in a way that said Challenge me. Just try it.

“Yes, sir,” Shatter finally said, dropping his head.

“And take Kiada with you,” Kilsha told her son. Shatter nodded but did not look at her as he wandered away. Kilsha sighed and turned to her mate.

“I worry about that Shatter,” she whispered to Sol. “I worry that memories are coming back to him, and that he will break under them. I can’t take losing another son, Sol. I don’t want that to happen.”

“I know,” Sol whispered back. “But we can’t do anything about it. Shatter’s life is his own, and we can only wait and see what will happen.”


Shatter found his older sister easily enough. She’d moved to shade of a tall, thin and scraggly acacia tree, and was lounging in it, her eyes half-closed. His tail twitched at he approached her.

“Kiada, father wants you and me to go to the watering hole and hunt,” he said, his short dark gold adolescent mane being whipped around his face in the hot breeze. He shook it back and annoyance and waited for his sister to reply.

But she didn’t answer

“Kiada, he said to do it now.”

Still no answer.

“Kiada!” Shatter snarled, annoyed now. Finally, Kiada lifted her head and appraised her brother with a slightly irritated glare. She sighed.

“Why do you need me?” she asked him. “Father always said you were such a great hunter. You don’t want me.”
Shatter would have been stung at her accusation, if he hadn’t seen the half smile on her face.

“Oh, I’ll get you!” he said and leaped on her. The two siblings wrestled, but Kiada pulled away finally.

“If we’re going to hunt, let’s hunt,” she said. “The rains will have come and gone by the time we get anything at this rate.”

Shatter smiled. He and Kiada were pretty close since, well, since that thing…..

He felt a sudden nudge at his shoulder, and he shook his head, realizing he’d been staring at nothing as the memories had started to come back.

“What?” he said, visibly flinching when Kiada touched him. She looked worriedly at him.

‘You okay?” she asked. “I thought we were going hunting.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he said.

“Then…what are we waiting for?” she asked, with a smile. But Shatter could still see the confusion in her eyes. He shuddered inwardly, knowing that he shouldn’t act like that around Kiada. If she ever found out what he’d done….

“Last one there’s a rotten zebra carcass!” he yelled and started running off towards the watering hole. Kiada was taken by surprise at Shatter’s sudden change in mood. A second before she’d seen a certain sense of…lost in his eyes, like he was remembering something. But, what was that? Surely there was nothing in her brother’s life she didn’t know about? She shook her head, telling herself she was being silly. She knew that Shatter could be moody once in a while. Maybe this was one of those times.

Pushing the thoughts aside, Kiada pounded after her brother and finally caught up with him. Her muscles tensed and she leaped onto his back, bringing him down to the ground. The two rolled in the dust, wrestling each other in pure fun. For a moment, they were careless cubs again.

The racket cut them off.

Kiada’s laugh faded out as she rolled off of Shatter, her eyes focusing on the watering hole. A huge crowd was gathered around the edge. Animals of all sizes pushing and shoving to get to the watering hole that was usually only lightly populated. Her eyes grew worried, and Shatter, also, studied the crowd with an anxious look in his dark eyes.

“I know it’s hot,” the Kiada whispered. “But why are there so many here?”

“It’s like a murder happened,” Shatter whispered eerily. Kiada gave him an odd glance, but walked forward. Shatter hung back, waiting for his sister. He watched from a few yard away as she pushed her way through the crowd. Most animals moved aside for a lioness, especially one that they knew was the alpha’s daughter, but even she had to snarl and even nip at some to get them to move. The animals milled around her in a way that was almost scary. She had to dodge several times to avoid being stepped on or jostled out of the way or hit. She nipped angrily at a zebra that had almost stepped on her, and snarled at a wildebeest that got too close and was being exceptionally pushy. But after a few minutes of fighting to push her way through, Shatter couldn’t see her anymore as she vanished amongst the motley crowd of animals.

But her voice came through loudly, even over the animals’ voices.

“Shatter! Come quick!”

Her voice was urgent, and he knew not to argue. He ran forward, not taking up any precious time in being polite. He bit and snarled his way through the entire crowd until he came up beside Kiada, who was standing by the bank. Her eyes were filled with a worry he hadn’t seen before. Slowly, he followed her gaze, and gaped.

“The water,” Kiada said, her voice empty, shocked. “It’s….gone.”

[Scar]

Yes, that's the way wars are made... injustice unforgotten makes two nations hate eachother... so far it's well-written; I like how the violence is not described, and how you throughfully described the scenarios without being boring, that is very hard.

However, I noticed how the characters don't seem to have a lot of personality to them? I mean, you don't really get to know them, they are only a bunch of names who act with common sense: they act with motifs, that is good, and goals, that is good, but they don't really show much personality so I may be able to tell them apart and care for them.

-runs off to read the second chapter-

[mistwolf]

The first chapter is just background story. It's not really supposed to be detailed. It just tells you why the prides hate each other. It probably should be a Prologue, but I just never changed it to that.
The second chapter really starts with the main characters.

[Scar]

I understand your point, but I still believe a little more color to the characters would make it a lot better than it already is. Was Tiko a brat? His first mate was reckless? Maybe too fond of action, and that was why she came too close to the battle? etc...

Maybe you could try a different approach and make this a legend. You don't have to reveal everything to the reader from the start; maybe they know the Prides hate eachother, but they don't yet know why and it gets revealed through fragments. Just an idea.

-reads Chapter II-

[mistwolf]

At least here I'm actually getting some feedback. I got nothing on my usual site.

[Scar]

Hm, but don't take it bad, I'm just trying to help x:

Anyway, the fact that Sol was under a baobab tree and then Kilsha was under one too was confusing for me... maybe her baobab should be different or something? Describing Shatter might also be good... since at first he seemed like a little cub, but then we are told he has some mane so he must be a teenager? Maybe you should call him a teen or a youth at some point to make it clear.... and why did the animals not panic when they saw the lioness pushing her way through the crowd? Do they recognize when a lion is hungry in some manner that it might turn on some sort of switch in their brains to tell them to run away and see it as an enemy while at other times they are considered "people" like all the other plant-eaters?

I loved the hidden tension in this chapter, and how you told Shatter's reaction but not what he was seeing. Excellent. I also enjoyed the background descriptions, once more, very well done! The little details, such as the pushy wildebeest, that's exactly what I was talking about... character development and these little things are what separates novels from epic novels. There is enough of it like to care for the characters so far, can't wait to read the rest!

[mistwolf]

Yay! You like it! Yay!

I actually have the entire novella done, so I can keep posting chapters. I just don't want to overload everyone with them.

Thanks for the comments. They're helpful. =)

[Scar]

O:

Gimme.

[mistwolf]

Chapter 3-Unwelcome Guests

“What?!?” Sol demanded. Kiada and Shatter looked up at their father and nodded. “It’s true, Father,” Shatter said. “The water is almost gone. There’s a little left, but not enough to sustain us and all the animals around here.”

Kilsha was sitting beside her mate. Her eyes were deeply worried, and even a touch scared, Kiada noticed. That scared her more than the loss of water. Kilsha never got scared. Or if she didn’t she never showed it.

“But, the water was at a fine level a few days ago!” the alphess protested.
Kiada sighed.


“We know, mother. The animals around here must have drunk it almost dry. There’s nothing left.”

“We’ll have to leave,” Sol sighed, and stood, turning his back to his children and his mate. “The last thing I wanted to do.”

Kilsha stood and nuzzled his shoulder. “None of us want to,” she said gently.

A small figure ran up and shoved itself between Kiada and Shatter.

“Momma?” came a voice. “Momma, I heard about the water. Is it true?”
The three lions looked down to see the last and youngest member so far of the alpha family- Shard. A female cub, she was the only survivor of Kilsha’s most recent litter. Currently, Shard was 6 months old.

“Yes, my little one,” Kilsha said, coming over to comfort the scared cub. “The water is disappearing.”

“I heard it was gone,” she retorted. Kiada watched, a tiny smile twitching at her mouth. Shard had always been such a perceptive cub.

“Near enough,” Shatter said, bluntly. Kilsha gave her son a withering glance.

“She has to know, Mom,” he said in answer to her glare.
They had been meaning to keep the details from Shard so as not to worry her. Too bad it didn’t go as planned. But she supposed Shatter was right.

“Will we have to leave?” the cub asked.

“Yes,” Sol answered. “Kiada, Shatter, tell the other lions. We’re leaving after dark. Even a pride this strong shouldn’t travel during the day. It’s dangerous and far too hot. We’ll be better off at night when it has cooled off. ”
Both children nodded and hurried off to tell the others.

“Wait for me!” Shard called and ran after her older siblings. Kilsha turned to her mate, and gently nuzzled his shoulder. She looked up at him, but he was looking off into the distance, and, if she wasn’t mistaken, she looked angry. She rubbed against him, reading his mind.

“Sol, the drought isn’t your fault,” she purred, rubbing her head against his chest. He sighed.

“I know,” he said. “But I can’t help thinking that I’ve let down our pride this way. The only thing we can do now is…..go into Glowing Moon territory. I know they have a watering hole. We’ll have to ask them if we can use it.

“But that’ll be dangerous!” Kilsha said eyes wide. Sol nodded.

“I know, Kilsha. But there’s nothing else we can do. Either go somewhere we know there’ll be water, or just keep moving, hoping we could find someplace before all the water is gone.”

Kilsha sighed and nodded slowly.

“You’re right. It is the right decision.”

“Then why don’t I feel good about it?,” Sol demanded.

“Sometimes even the best decisions come with consequences,” Kilsha whispered softly.


The lions were all gather together by sundown and ready to go. Shard had consented to being carried, even though she didn’t like it that much. But it would save her energy and help them move faster. They would need the upper hand of speed if the Glowing Moon pride decided not to be so friendly tonight.

Kilsha and Kiada were in the front, and had decided to switch Shard back and forth between each other during the journey. Shatter was also with them, then Akina and Jamala, the sisters. Next to Akina, standing protectively beside her, was the young male Enzi, her lover. They were a cute couple, and held potential. Sol was fairly certain that they would leave the pride and make their own someday, and they had the potential of being strong, just alphas.

The other few lionesses of the pride were after them, then, bringing up the rear was Sol.

The journey, even at night, was long and hard. The land was an endless dry, almost wasteland, mad treacherous by the darkness. Sol would once in a while, hang back and search the wind and surroundings for enemies, but the pride was untouched for the journey.

Shard was passed several times back and forth between Kiada and Kilsha, so each could have a break once in a while from carrying the added weight. Enzi doubled Sol’s own job by searching for enemies while he traveled beside Akina.

“Enzi, you don’t have to do this,” she whispered to him at one point. “Sol is watching out for us.”

Enzi smiled and looked at his love. “But I want to,” he said, and nuzzled her. “I want to make sure you’re safe. Sol could miss something.”
Akina smiled. Jamala glanced sideways, rather put-out. Enzi was devoted to Akina, but Jamala had yet to find a love. When she talked to Akina about this, the older lioness simply said that she was too young yet. Jamala hated this, since she was only a few minutes younger than Akina was. It was just that Shatter, the only other eligible male, seemed as interested in finding a mate as she was in losing her tail.

Finally, when the moon was in the center of the sky, Sol raised his head once again to the sky and scented the wind. He nodded

“Kilsha, stay on your guard,” he said. “We have entered Glowing Moon territory. And they are near.”


The Glowing Moon pride was quiet as most of its members slept silently. Only two were awake- the alpha, a strong, proud male lion named Nadu, and a younger male named Kameron. Kameron, the three year old Beta Male had been ordered by his alpha to stay awake and watch for danger. Nadu simply watched his pride because he felt like it.

Kameron, the younger male, wandered away from the pride as he patrolled the borders. He was Nadu’s most trusted pride member besides his own mate; healthy, strong, and with a mane that was just about full. His hide was darker, the mark of a lion related directly to Tiko.

He was not forced by Nadu to patrol the borders. That would usually be the job of a lower ranking member. But he always volunteered to do so. He liked walking by himself through the dark nights out in the savanna. Certainly their land was not as nice as the Bright Morning land, but theirs was beautiful in its own way. And it kept them nourished. That was all that was important.

The moon was the young male’s only companion as he sat on a rock overlooking the land were their territory ended and the midlands— the lands between the Bright Morning pride and the Glowing Moon pride— began.

Kameron thought as he watched the land. He considered the pride, and how they were thriving, even as they still clung on to the hate towards the Bright Morning pride. He thought of the drought, though it had not hit them as hard as the other areas around. Their watering hole was still sufficiently filled, and would last them until the drought broke and the rains came.

But as he sat there, he raised his head and scented the air. And he froze. The sour tang of opposing lions came to his nostrils. Bright Morning lions. He could smell them now. He knew immediately that they were close. How dare they come near the pride?

With ease, he located where the scent was coming from and snarled. It was nearing the watering hole. Quickly, he leaped off the rock and ran to tell Nadu, his alpha.


“Nadu!” he cried as soon as the older lion was in sight. “Nadu! The Bright Morning pride! I smelled them! They are near!”
The younger lion skidded to a halt just as the alpha was standing. The older stronger alpha’s eyes burned into his beta’s.

“The Bright Morning lions?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Are you certain? Think, Kameron! You’d better not be lying to me!”

“No, I would never lie to you!” Kameron assured the alpha. “Over at the east border, I smelled them. They are headed for the watering hole!”

“I know it,” Nadu growled. “Come, we have to go and make sure that they know that we know they are here.”

Both males raced off towards the watering hole.

[Scar]

In this chapter I enjoyed the "ticking clock" of the Pride's advance despite of all the warning signs that were popping up everywhere.

There was a typo, "mad" instead of "made"

The journey, even at night, was long and hard. The land was an endless dry, almost wasteland, mad treacherous by the darkness.

Also, you might want to revise the dialogue between Nadu and Kameron at the end... it's not bad, but it's not what one expects, one expects them to be a lot tougher, more impressive... I don't know ! They sounded too normal for me and not like the King we're all scared of since the beginning of the chapter xD

Moar?

[mistwolf]

Oh! Haha, didn't even see that type! Darn computer....

More will come in bit. My flash drive is hidden somwhere and I'm too tired and lazy to look for it.

[mistwolf]

Chapter 4- Impressions

Kilsha, Kiada, Sol, Shatter, Shard, and the other lions of the Bright Morning pride stood around the Glowing Moon watering hole, each taking deep drinks of the cool water. Every few seconds, Sol lifted his head to look for danger. He knew it was coming. He knew that they would not be able to leave this place without confrontation, so he had to be ready for it at any cost.

“There they are,” Kameron said to his alpha, as he crouched low in the savanna grass. He watched the group of intruder lions, his green eyes narrowed.

“Look at them! They’re just drinking from out water like it’s theirs!” he complained.

“I know,” Nadu growled, tail lashing. “Sol knows not to come here. He knows the hate between our prides.”

“Maybe his precious family has blinded his good judgment?” Kameron asked. Malka nodded.

“It’s the drought. But this is still my land, not the public watering hole.”

The two males crouched there for a while longer as Nadu carefully evaluated the situation. Finally, he turned his attention to Kameron. To Kameron, it seemed like an eternity passed while Nadu made his decision. Finally he spoke.

“Now, let’s go greet our friends, shall we?” the alpha said and stood slowly. Kameron, relieved, followed his alpha’s lead, his ears back and anger in his eyes. The Bright Morning lions didn’t deserve to be on their land. There wasn’t a good lion in the whole pride, and he looked forward to Nadu unleashing his wrath upon them.

Nadu leaped over the savanna grass, Kameron close behind him, and skidded to a halt in front of the pride, teeth bared.

“How dare you walk into my territory and drink from my watering hole?” Nadu demanded. The entire demeanor of the pride of lions changed when he spoke that one sentence. The pride, in unison, froze and turned towards him. Nadu’s tail swished as he enjoyed that sense of power.

Kameron came up beside his alpha, his ears pressed against his skull in anger. His eyes focused on Sol as the alpha of the Bright Morning pride turned to face them.

“State your business here or prepare to fight,” the beta snarled. Nadu glanced sideways at him but nodded.

“My beta may be hotheaded sometimes, but he is right,” Nadu said. He took a few steps forward until he was face-to-face with Sol. “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?”

Every scrap of fur on the Bright Morning lion’s back stood straight up as he faced off with his pride’s worst enemy. Behind him, Kilsha gathered her three children behind her and stood protectively in front of them. She lowered her head, glaring at the alpha and his beta, ready to fight alongside her mate. Shatter edged out from around her mother and mirrored her body language. He, too would fight, Kiada looked between the two Glowing Moon lions and her father, and slunk back, dragging her little sister with her until they were standing behind Shatter. Though she knew she’d fight if she had to, she had a duty to protect Shard first.

Even beyond Sol’s immediate family the lions were ready to attack. Jamala stood with her sister Akina and Akina’s lover, Enzi. But something different happened.

The lioness gazed at the beta male that had just come through the bushes with his alpha. Sure, she shrank back a bit, scared by Nadu, but his beta caught her eye. He was handsome. Shockingly so, with a mocha-colored fur and a dark brown mane to match his green eyes and well-muscled but still lean body. His eyes glittered with a certain strength inside that amazed and fascinated Jamala. He was amazing. If only he wasn’t so intent on Sol. She wanted to know his name.

“Jamala,” her sister whispered to her. Jamala winced at Akina’s voice, realizing with embarrassment what she’d been doing. She looked over to where Akina was giving her a strange and inquisitive look. “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing,” Jamala said quickly, looking away. But as soon as Akina, shrugging, looked away, Jamala too looked back at the young male with awe in her brown eyes.

“We are leaving,” Sol promised Nadu. “We just needed…”

“I don’t care!” Nadu snarled. “This isn’t the public watering hole! You cannot just barge onto my territory!”

“We have not water left!” Sol argued. “Yours was the closest to us. If we didn’t stop here, we’d all have died!”

“That’s not my problem! You may not stay here any longer! Get off my land!” Nadu growled.

“But we have not where to go! We will perish! And the cubs…”

“That’s not my – “ Nadu began to repeat his previous state and continue with chasing the pride off but a thought came into his mind. A real amazing thought. A thought that could change everything.

He’d hated the Bright Morning pride since he was a cub. He’d always been taught to hate them. He’d always believed it was his destiny to wipe them out. But yet he’d never gotten that chance. Until now. If he could get the lions to stay close, it would give him the chance of a lifetime to finally kill of their horrible, murderous kind, and take the revenge that his great grandfather, Tiko, had always wanted to take on his father, and Sol’s great-great grandfather.

Yes, this was right. This was good.

Nadu’s expression changed.

“I see,” he said, trying to sound more understanding. “Yes, your family would perish if I ran you off. But, I’m willing to make a deal with you.”

Sol’s ears stood up on his head, and his eyes narrowed. He was confused by Nadu’s abrupt change of heart

“What type of a deal?” he demanded.

“Don’t treat me like that, or you won’t even here it,” Nadu snarled. “There is a territory that is currently unclaimed. I have not claimed it because it is useless to me. My territory stretches towards the mountains, and therefore I have no use for more land.”

“I’m not interested in the size of your territory,” Sol said flatly, cutting off his enemy’s ramblings. He was still trying to figure out exactly what Nadu wanted.

“I was going to say,” Nadu said firmly. “That it has a river on it. A full river. And you can settle there, if you wish.”

“What’s the catch?” Sol asked, skeptical.

“No catch. Only do not hunt in my territory. No more trespassing except to get a drink. Take it or leave it.”

Nadu enjoyed the look of confusion, indecision and unbelief on Sol’s face. He could tell that the lion wanted it, but was cautious, in case there was a reason why Nadu was giving his this seemingly perfect territory.

The Bright Morning alpha turned and walked over to where his mate stood. Kilsha looked desperate as he came over. She nudged him and whispered in his ear quietly.

“Sol, we can’t be picky about this,” she said. “Either we take this, or we keep searching. And who knows when we will find another watering hole large and stable enough to suit out pride.”

“But I don’t trust Nadu,” Sol said. “He wants something out of this. I know Nadu. He’ll only do something if there’s something in it for him.”

“We have to deal with anything later. We don’t have a choice. Take this amazing offer, or possibly perish.”

Sol looked at his mate. Her eyes were wide and scared. He knew she was right. They could search until they were all dead and never find water. Or they could take Nadu’s offer and live and deal with the lion’s tricks later.

Sol straightened and walked back to Nadu.

“We will take the territory you have offered,” he said. “And we will make that our new home. We will not encroach on your territory if you do not encroach on ours.”

“Deal,” Nadu said. “You can finish up drinking here, but I want you off my territory when you are finished. Kameron will be guard here to make sure that you leave, and that no one comes up with any ideas.”

His eyes landed on Enzi, and the young male straightened and glared right back at the large alpha. He knew that Nadu expected him to be making plans to steal territory. He was, after all, a young male who might be looking for a pride of his own. Nothing could be farther from the truth or course. He was happy here with Akina. She was all he needed. And if Sol granted them their leave, then they would find their own home. He would not have to steal Nadu’s.

“Thank you,” Sol said, dipping his head to his enemy. Nadu remained stern, though.

“Just make sure you get off my territory as soon as you can. Our prides are not allies, rest assured.”

With those last words, the large male turned and walked away back into the savanna grass, leaving the Bright Morning lions behind.

Sol visibly relaxed and returned to his mate.

“So, we have a new home,” she said. Sol nodded.

“I warn you, though,” he said. “Stay alert. Nadu will not leave well enough alone. And he certainly will not keep his promises.”

“We can only hope,” Kilsha said.

Kameron stood by and listened to the two lions talk. His tail lashed, annoyed that Nadu had left him to watch the pride. He wasn’t a beta, not a babysitter.

As he watched, Kiada walked to the water’s edge again and drank deeply. Shatter, joined he, drinking deeply. Kiada could hear him slurping up the cool water. She glanced over at him. He’d been quiet this entire time. Then again, it was Shatter. He usually was.

She smiled crookedly, and nonchalantly raised a paw and splashed him with water. The adolescent male looked up, but she was looking away. He shrugged and drank again only to be pelted by more splashed water.

“Kiada!” he said, and looked up. The lioness laughed and leaped into the water, sending a wave over him. He laughed and splashed her, and chased her through the water.

“Excuse me!” Kameron’s angered voice cut off their fun. He was already annoyed that he had been left here alone. He really didn’t want to deal with a couple of immature adolescents. “Please keep yourselves from playing in our water. Please.”

He glared at the two, and they slunk out of the water, dripping wet.

“Joykiller,” Shatter muttered and Kiada stifled a giggle.

Jamala watched the male, amazed by the way he took control of the situation. He was so strong, so dominant, and so assertive. She watched his every move and without knowing it, stared awestruck at him as her face hovered only inches above the water that she’d been drinking only a few seconds before.

Kameron started to turn from the two playful lions when he caught a lioness staring at him. He paused and looked over at her, but she quickly looked away. He still stared at her, though. She was beautiful, a gorgeous tawny color with bright brown eyes. He felt his mouth open and he closed it quickly, and looked away. But she looked up, and he couldn’t stop himself from looking back over at her. Their eyes locked, and he took a step forward….

There was another splash, and he was forced to look over and scold another lion. The sun was rising, and Sol began to round up his lions to move them towards their new home. Kameron turned to start walking away, but before he did, he got one last glance of the lioness he’d seen. He sighed dreamily, and wished with all his heart to see her again.

[Scar]

Bravo! Best chapter so far! I loved all the tension in this chapter, and how you elegantly relieved it at the end with Kiada and Shatter's antics (especially that last splash which didn't let Kameron speak to Jamala). I really wasn't expecting Kameron to fall for Jamala so quickly, though... isn't she one of those evil Bright Morningsters? The guy HAS to feel some sort of prejudice towards her. It also confused me a bit how Nadu didn't seem to notice that he was practically *alone* in front of a *whole pride* made out of his enemies -- wow. Sol could've been all like "<.< you and what army, my friend? Your Pride is not here." they could've been attacked and captured, easily! I feel that you should add a couple more Nadu guards to the scene.

[mistwolf]

I like this chapter, too. But before it was awful. All "Romeo and Juliet" because Kameron fell for Jamala 20 times faster than he does now. And it was all "Even though I've been brought up to hate you all my life and I was gonna kill your pridemembers, hey, let's forget it all because you're pretty and I love you now."
Yeah, in the next chapter I added a little bit of Kameron being "What am I thinking?" Same with Jamala.
Oh, and if you see the names "Tahska", "Ashra", or "Malka" in the chapters, it's an acccident, and if you see any point them out to me. Because this is based on an old rp I was in, there were names I had to change because they belonged to a person who was using those names to write her own story. I tried to change them all, but some may have gotten past my radar and computer.
That would help me a LOT! You have no idea! *Eyes are permanently squinting from looking through 70+ pages for names*